A Rendezvous 2 ..

J: I am gay .
I wasn’t sure yet, so I asked him a very stupid question.

I: What kind of gay are you? ..a straight gay (for tonight only) or a gay gay.(ended that with a smirk)
He looked at me, his lips stretched to right as if about to give me a partial grin but …then they retracted. So …I had heard it right ….after all.

I: I don’t like homosexuality.(I don’t know as to why I said that.)

J: No one asked you to like it.
One couldn’t feel more stupid but I persisted. And I was nervous as hell, too!! If I were barefooted you could have seen me drawing cyanocobalamines and Taj mahals with my toe.

I: See, if god wished homosexuality, he would have created Steve not Eve.
(Oh my god! I had crossed the limit. I could feel the adrenaline surge....no, not in me but in him, I could see that in his eyes.)
I looked at his burly large fingers that wrapped the glass. He shifted the snifter to his left hand. With his cold n dank digits, he tapped me on my shoulders and gestured a bathroom break. I was like …..is that it ?!!!!Ohhh …that was not the adrenaline surge but his expression for nature’s calls…phew. Histrionics…ehh!!

I looked around and saw the same bartender; she was sauntering through throngs of bunny hoppers (read awful dancers) with a tray in one hand. She walked towards me and tapped on my wrist. It seems I was looking elsewhere...possibly her cleavage. But I was too clouded with other thoughts to even relish the luring schism.
Holding the tray closer to her bosom she asked “Sir, you want this?”
I wasn’t in a mood for an innuendo and I heard myself saying... “I don’t want either….”.
She gave me a befuddled look and walked away.
J returned.

J: So you are not gay?

I: Do I look like one?

J: Your looks don’t define your homosexuality; your orientation does. No man is 100% straight. Every person yup every person has some ‘gayness’ in him.

I : Cant we change topic? I didn’t come here to discover my hidden homosexuality.
He continued…..he chose to ignore me.

J: So you like Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt?

I: I like Megan Fox, I like Vida Guerra. I like Kelly Brook. I don’t like Angelina Jolie.

He continued.
J: I can see that you are into workout. So when in gym do you look at guys?

I: If I say no, that would be a lie. I do but ‘looking at’ is a negative word, ‘spotting’ is perhaps apt because I don’t ogle at them. It’s camaraderie…you know.

I knew he understood. There doesn’t seem to be much he could do about the umbrage than take it but he was trying to derive something. He went on.

J: Ok sir….So you are not gay. Are you vegetarian?

I: No.

J: Do you have problem with veggies or vegans?

I: No

J: Then why the heck do you have problem with someone being gay? It is our choice. This does not even bother you. I won’t even compete with you for your girl. I would, perhaps, be the best person your sister would be safe with. We run parallel to each other like banks of a river or rail lines. Our paths would never cross. Do you know how difficult it is to be gay? It is not even a choice. It is inherent. I can’t explain. From the day we discover that we are gay….(he paused..looked me in the eye)….its a battle with ourselves and everybody. Do you know how difficult it is to tell your loved ones that you are gay …have you ever realized that? Have you ever failed in life? Have you ever faced with a situation where you had to tell someone that you are not good enough…..Do you understand how difficult it is …to come out of the closet? How difficult it is …to tell ma n pa… that..…their son is into men?
And he left.

I had hurt him. I felt those pangs. I had lost a friend before I had one.

All those questions …still echo in my ears. Those words are almost tangible. I would never know how he feels but …



GIST:
Its difficult to be in somebody else's shoes but thank god for what you are.There is always a person out there who wishes he were you, he had what you have …..Thank god for what you are.