untitled blog:)

Well ….of late I have been rejecting a lot of alliances. One day my dad called me “…beta, what kind of girl do you want?”
Now..now…I couldn’t tell him this – dad, her a#$e should be like Vida Guerra’s ..her waist to hips ratio must be 0.7 …no more no less…..she should be as intelligent as Indra Nooyi …and more graphic about other parts.
Instead I heard myself saying “Dad, she should be my ‘types’.” He retorted “I know what is your ‘types’, but, beta, this is arranged marriage and brides, unlike cars, cannot be custom made.”

Strange are the ways, we describe beauty; it has changed ever so drastically. Sense never danced attendance to semantic collocation where admiring female body was concerned. Poets have compared female body to anything and everything they could compare it to; some compared their eyes and gait to that of deer. Yaah …of course I know they meant shape but just close your eyes and imagine your girlfriend with deer’s eyes. The thought itself curls my lips and gives me horrible horripilation. And when they compared gait, they meant graceful. Of course deer look cute and I have no personal grudge against them.

Another thing that was compared consistently was their neck but poets played fast and loose on this part. Hips and waist have always been considered to be very important. Indians, unlike their Oriental cousins, have always stressed on low waist to hips ratio. I have always had firm faith in our ancestors’ assumptions; except for the caste system (now don’t get me started on the latter). Look at all the sculptures; they have hour glass figures, it’s not because large stones were available in bulk and that there were no Hiranandanis and Lokhandwalas; our ancestors believed that curvaceous women gave birth to more intelligent children and would themselves be generally more intelligent. Modern medical science has proved just that; ‘seat’ fat contains polyunsaturated fatty acids (Omega-3) essential for the development of the fetus’s brain. Now you know, why they had curvaceous actresses in Mahabharata serial…..:)
So we can be certain that when poets compared contours to hour glass, they were right.

Another feature that stands out is ….hair. A poet would describe- her hair so long , creepers they resembled , serpents they were…. hugging her body ever so……..-Wow…creepers…. that is so ‘creepy’. I would never marry a girl with ‘creeper’ hair; those figurative serpents would give me nightmares during the good times of the better part of my married life.

Another fact that puzzles me to no end is the comparison of face with the moon. When I was a child I remember my mom referring to moon as her distant cousin (remember chanda mama!)…now …after I grew up I discovered that poets compared moon to beloved’s face….isn’t that weird? That would be ‘Gay Incest’ (from a man’s point of view), conflict of ideas and creativity and ofcourse sense!

Over the years, tagging of feminine contours and projections has changed crudely and tastelessly. I wish I could lay out all the slang that is frothing and sloshing inside of me but ………


Gist:
Look for a woman with WHR (waist to hip ratio) : 0.7 but remember as one philosopher spoketh ‘…….eyes reflect person’s inner…’ and another poet says ‘more beautiful the hair …more systematic the woman’
So again WHR, eyes and hair…or damn ! Simply go for the one you love….you will be happy all your life.