curiosity saved the cat

Another Rant!!

2011-10-02T02:22:00.000-07:00

I really wish India had just one language. I am sure that we would have been more united and liberal and more ‘beautiful’. You would ask - beautiful? Yes, beautiful! We are an intelligent country but on the beauty scale, lets accept it, we fall short. Its all about gene selection. We have beautiful and strong genes in India but they arent allowed to mix. A large population still gets married to that distant cousin. A large part of India still remains shackled by the tradition and culture. We have beautiful tradition and culture but even the most beautiful dream has an ugly side to it, somewhere.

The flip side to this age old tradition is the religious adherence of the people who follow it blindly e.g choosing a mate within one’s own caste, community, language etc. Let me cite two examples that follow exogamy in India or do not follow what larger number of people do - one of them is known and the other is a conclusion based on observation and scrutiny. The first is that of brahmins. Now, I know that, not all brahmins are beautiful actually very few are, but most of them have above average intelligence. Brahmins tend to marry or choose their mate from different gotras or in other words they do not marry within the same gothra. What is a gothra? Gothra is an unbroken male line from a common ancestor. Marrying within the gothra is not allowed in brahmins by rule of exogamy. Exogamy is an arrangement where marriage is only allowed outside one;s social group. Isnt this cool that brahmins knew from the very beginning that one shouldnt get married to their kin or relative (within the same gotra) and that this was bad for the health of offsprings (phenotype and genotype)!! Of course, they did not pass on the knowledge to other sects but then they were just being brahmins (in India, brahmins are usually considered to be selfish).

Other example is of Jat population in North India. Do you remember the honor killings? Honor killing is definitely a brutal and an idiotic way of imposing a good rule - again exogamy. People who advocate honor killings want their children to marry outside of the gotra. The poor souls, who were killed, had chosen endogamy i.e. they married their cousin or wanted to marry their cousin. But then most of the population across India have been marrying their distant cousin since ..I dont know when! We definitely cannot blame the bourgeois for this blunder simply because you cannot expect common man to know genetics. It is the responsibility of the coterie to spread these things through magazines and newspapers using tactfulness and finesse.

The solution is to marry outside your social circle i.e. someone who doesnt speak your 'maa ki tongue' or someone not of your caste e.g. among maharashtrians, a maratha marrying a non-maratha or in kerala a nair marrying a non-nair or in gujarat a patel marrying a non-patel and so on. Idea is - larger the population greater the mixing and more beautiful and stronger the phenotypes. Now coming back to my first line. Imagine if we had one language in India as is in the US or Germany or China. Imagine the kind of genetic mixing that would take place! Imagine the genes that future generations could carry!!

People, fall in love! Let education be the only criterion for your mate selection, don’t let caste cast a doubt when it comes to mate selection, dont let language be the reason for which you would languish over that lost opportunity!

JAI KAAMDEV BABA KI!!!

Beauty Scale 1 to 10

2011-03-16T19:51:00.000-07:00

Warning, this is a shallow post...Not my post..stumbled upon this :)

When I talk about how hot girls are, I use the scale of 1-10. Nothing new, but I've put a bit more thought into it than that. I really like how easy it is to describe it. I thought I'd share it with you.

Ugly is somewhere from 1-3
Average from 4-6 and
Pretty from 7-10.

What's more interesting about this one is that it is like a bell curve. 1's and 10's are both incredibly rare. 4-6 is very common, more than 70% of all people fit into this range.

1 is repulsively ugly. Like, you were burned badly, your face melted, you are V for Vendetta without the mask. So fat you look like Goldmember from Austin Powers. I don't think I could personally ever get beyond the physical repulsion to have a romance with such a person. 1 in 10,000 people will be this ugly.

2 is very ugly. You're a woman that looks like a man, or a man that looks like an orangutan. Your lips are too big for the rest of your face. Your figure is non-existent. So fat you your basic body shape is a circle. A person like that would take a lot of getting used to before you can actually look past their physical form and love them romantically. 1 in 200 people will be this ugly.

3 is ugly. Something about you is wrong. Maybe you have really big eyebrows, or your lips are somewhat puffy. You've got many moles/acne or just look stupid. You are too fat by too much. Enough that you are on the unattractive side. A person like that would not attract me for romance at first, but if I got to know them well enough their inner qualities could outweigh their physical imperfections. 1 in 50 people will be ugly.

4 is below average. You have some minor defect, but otherwise not bad. Or you are just incredibly plain with a poor figure. Or a little fat, but not cute and a little fat. A person like this would not be the first to attract me for a romance, but looks would not deter me from a romance with such a person if there was any chemistry. 1 in 5 people will be below average.

5 is standard/average. It's not unattractive, but it's not good either. Somewhat plain, a figure that doesn't instantly turn a guy on, but at least there's something there an enough to get someone interested. If fat, not in a bad way, cute or just slightly. Or maybe someone who would other wise be plain or slightly ugly, but with an excellent figure. A person like this would not be the first to attract me for a romance, but looks could make an attraction, and if there's chemistry looks will add to the relationship. 1 in 2 people will be average.

6 is slightly above average. There's a good look there, but not spectacular. People of the opposite sex will be better disposed to people with good looks like this. Might have a good figure, a pretty face, a great smile, but not all of the above to a great degree.A person like this attract me for a date from their looks, but there would need to be some chemistry for me to want a serious relationship. 1 in 5 people will be above average.

7 is pretty. Genuinely attractive. Good figure, good face. Or excellent figure and ok face/excellent face but just an ok figure. Perhaps everything good, but not truly exceptional. Overall, the impression is one that will attract most men or women, at least physically. I'd want a date based on their looks and I'd hope there is some chemistry. 1 in 20 people will be pretty.

8 is beautiful. Very attractive from first sight. Lovely face, exciting figure. This is the kind of person that makes you want to smile at them when you see them because their looks grab your attention. Their eyes and face draw you to them and it's easy to like them and hard to dislike them. It's hard to say no to a person this beautiful. 1 in 200 people will be beautiful.

9 is gorgeous. Drop dead hot. Supermodel quality. This is the kind of person that you see in your dreams. Almost irresistible, and you'd definitely notice them as soon as they entered the room. It requires feats of poetry to adequately describe how beautiful they are. So beautiful you'd almost be willing to ruin your life for them just to have a romance with them. 1 in 2000+ people will be gorgeous.

10 is perfect beauty. Better than the lover you see in your dreams. Beyond poetry. There is no almost, you are theirs to command if they so desire. A god or goddess. 1 in 100,000+ will be a perfect beauty. I've never seen one in person. Maybe they don't really exist.

And yes, there is a 6.2 and a 7.3. And how a person dresses can move them up a full point or maybe even two.

Is this shallow? Yes. Of course. I don't say you should pick your gf/bf/wife/husband based on this. This is just how I judge beauty. Some of my wording is geared towards women, but the principles can be used to describe men as well.

BTW, there is a scale for guys too and I consider myself somewhere between 4 and 5..

Religion Religion Religion!!!!..phew

2010-11-26T21:21:00.000-08:00

What is one thing that separates us today? Well...if we take India into consideration; I would say many things divide us but on a world scale I think its religion more than anything else.

We have the Hindus who claim that they are or in fact we are the most peaceful religion in the whole of white, black, yellow and brown worlds. It is ironical because none of our mythical figures have been depicted as peaceful. Yeah I know killing demons is not categorized as being belligerent. Ok think about this...in the MYTHOlogy Ramayana, Hanuman almost burnt Lanka down. Thats downright arson!! All of them were true warriors who fought for peace a la United State of America which destroys an entire nation and claims she bought peace to it. In a way she did bring peace, peace echoing out of the silence brought on by massacre (pun intended). Ok back to religion. Many philosophers and right wing supporters might argue that I am one of of those religion haters and that all the warrior gods have some philosophical significance. The sad part is 90 % of the followers embrace the warrior part and forget the god (read love) part or so it seems.

Then we have the Jews who never claim that they are peaceful..well they arent!!
And they do think they are the originals; rest are just heathens and pagans. They are originals because Jesus is a Jew, Islam came out of Judaism and Hindus have a lot of gods and therefore logically wrong. When you assume others are on the wrong side, you end up on their wrong side...history is witness!

Then we have Christianity, the religion with the largest number of followers and the largest number of followers turned skeptics. In a way every religion needs a bunch of skeptics who keep the religion in its ‘original self with paradoxes and originalities’. But the case with Christainity is different. We all know Bible has been manipulated many a times...nobody knows the contents of the original Bible that was actually handed over because different regions gave birth to different versions, according to the main wiki article on Bible.

Islam, this religion is definitely in my bad books. I am not a fanatic but somehow I have started to hate this religion and all the things associated with it - the shariayas, the claim that it is the most peaceful religion on the earth when every other gangster in Mumbai is a Muslim, every terrorist organization is Islamic, almost all human right violations have its origins in the twisted rules of Islamic rulebook that they supposedly follow.

Then we have Buddhism. Well, most of the backward classes in India embraced Buddhism following the footsteps of Dr. Ambedkar, their leader, in mid 20 th century. Buddhism is the perfect example of why a certain religion is not rogue and that it is tagged rogue because of people who follow it. Don’t get me wrong! I don’t mean to say that all of backward class is bad but certain factions are definitely bad in fact even notorious but then I believe Brahmins (the upper echelons) have done more harm to India than any other caste.

Then there are a couple of baby religions (in terms of followers) that have sprouted over a period. I am sure religion must have started as an idea to achieve something positive but today religion is a face of fascism and fanaticism. The addiction to religion would continue until we have a replacement! A replacement that would stoke the fire in the dying embers of humanity.

MY FAV MACHO MOVIES (INDIAN)

2010-07-27T01:15:00.000-07:00

Every country has men and they have a peculiar taste in entertainment. Blame it on the hormones or evolution!! In the past, it was fight until death e.g Ankam in southern India or the gladiatorial combat of ancient Greece. We have moved on (read become more civilized) but even today the more sadist amongst us have mixed martial arts and other full contact fight championships for their entertainment. Less sadists go for gory horror/action movies.
Unfortunately, the film industry, in India, does not have any regard for male audience and therefore produces more chick flicks than action flicks. Personally, I dont think we have ever had a pure action flick with gore in it - movies like High tension or even a Saving Private Ryan.
After perusing through all these sixty years of Indian cinema, I could hardly find a pure action flick. These are my top ten macho movies. Its my list and therefore has regional flicks too.

10 . Don (old)

9. Agneepath

8. Parinda

7. Thalapathi

6. Sholay

5. Nayagan

4. Vaastav

3. Ab Tak Chappan

2. Satya

Unfortunately I dont have an Indian movie which can take the number 1 slot. I dont think there is any movie which deserves the hallowed spot .....waiting for that number one flick...:) . I really wish to see a movie on Shivaji Maharaj or Prithvi Raj Chauhan that does justice to their valor...a la 300 !!!

The rollercoaster ride

2010-02-10T19:16:00.001-08:00

The Renedezvous ....

2010-02-08T02:41:00.000-08:00

The last time, I had been to India, was the time when I started believing in paranormal activity. I am a pretty....pretty bold person but every bold person has an instance in his life when he questions his temerity. Some things give you cold feet ..u know what I am alluding to; yes..one of those nights. and this place (my mom’s house) is one heck of a house ...the one that you hear about, in stories. There is a meandering route which starts at the doorstep and ends on the main road which has usual traffic on it. But this tortuous beauty is really long, something like a kilometer.And that kilometer is a dirt road one that coughs dust everytime a motorcade vrooms on it.

Ok..coming back to the incident; it was a winter night and I had been to Kerala for 15 days. Everytime I am in Kerala, I visit my relatives...each one of them with the fidelity and zeal of a child. This time was no different.It was a Friday night and it was around 9.30 pm. My aunt (mausi) lives an hour from my mom’s ancestral place. After the dinner my mausi and cousin asked me to stay back as it was late and they thought it was anti-haute-bourgeoisie to send your guest back at night but I insisted to the hilt and they agreed.

According to my calculations, I should have reached my nana’s place around 11.30 pm but thanks to the wretched bus service, my plans went kaput. I had to wait at the bus stop for an hour due to some local election campaigning.I reached ‘that’ road around 1.30 am after a long trek from the bus stop. On this street, there is a light every 50 meters so the road isn’t that well illuminated. As soon as I took a turn onto this road, a puff of air kissed me as if someone had caressed me. That puff of air went on to touch the earth and it gave birth to a puff of dust and that puff of dust continued its sojourn with the gust.
After I had walked some 10 meters, I saw a person walking almost 30 feet ahead of me. (In Kerala, southern part of India, people generally wear white loincloth and white shirt and we address strangers ...yes even strangers as chetan (big brother)).This person had dressed likewise and I thought …..why not have a company instead of moseying on alone in the dark.I called out to him.He stopped and turned around. I couldnt see his face but then it was dark and he was dark too. I hurried towards him. Suddenly I tripped and fell flat. I got up and tidied myself, looking ahead. He kept walking. I felt like an idiot. Here I was trying to give him some good company and he was..he was just ignoring my yell! I didn’t call out again. I just walked into the part of the road that was pitch black. One step...two step...three step...four step… Darker and darker it got; next street light was 15 feet away. This gentleman showed no signs of stopping, it seemed like he was gliding in the air. Even when it was so dark around, he didn’t seem to be fumbling for right spots because, of what I recall, those bylanes werent a rose bed. This confirmed that he knew the place well enough to linger around blind folded. I was still in the dark and the man was entering the zone of next street light and lo behold he disappeared ….like..poof..he disappeared ...I am sure that would be the sound effect if one has to give any!

I couldnt act for a while for I went numb ..I froze ...How would you feel if you saw something, that you assumed was a person, disappear into thin air and also realize at the same time that you have to walk past that zone of the street and another half a kilometer to get to your home? Strange thoughts crept into me...what if I walk past the zone and it follows me home? Should I sprint; what if I trip again ? Was that a paranormal activity? I realized that your mind could actually take you around the universe without you inching even a bit. I realized these incidents could scare the living daylights out of you. I realized that I never bought the bus ticket to Trichur. I realized that I havent completed my PhD yet. I realized that I haven't started my life yet. I realized that I was realizing a lot of things tonight. I realized that I was still standing there.I could not turn back, where would I go ? That is when I felt something touch my thighs, I didnt have the courage to look down..my hands slowly proceeded to touch ‘that’ thing caressing my thighs...phew it was my cell phone, on a vibrating mode. My mama (maternal uncle ) was on the phone. Somehow I picked up the phone, I told him everything. He, literally, had to come and pick me up from the spot.

I would never know what that was but I am sure that wasnt normal…..

The awakening of a nation...

2010-02-07T14:36:00.000-08:00

Have you seen the trend in movies off late? The mainstream commercial Indian cinema, I mean. Look at the movies that go on to become a hit! Not that love stories don’t succeed, but look at the percentage of love stories that succeed. Most of the movies that deal with social cause earn as good as gold. Can an inference be drawn that all those movies that are pertaining to our problems or, in other words, common man’s botheration are accepted with a bear hug and others are literally flung away like a bag of dirt? Examples...hmm..so many..3 idiots , Munnabhai series, Swades, Iqbal, Wednesday, Chakk De etc etc..on the flip side well the list is endless.

Another example..hmm..Phir mile sur I havent met a single person who liked the video. The most common complaint - deifying of Bollywood celebrities! The picturization completely lacked the presence of bourgeois who is inevitable when mentioning the ‘surs’ of India.

Another example was Rann the new Amitabh movie, ruthlessly ripped by the media for the obvious reason that the movie mercilessly mauled at media’s reputation, was accepted gracefully by the audience.People have started observing the facts and have started literally sorting them out for their well being.

All these examples lead to one point. We are waking up in the wake of these things which wouldn’t have discomposed us a decade back. A society is waking up or should I say a civilization is rousing to action.You can guesstimate the psyche of the nation from these things. We, as a nation, have become very self centered (... has a positive connotation you see :)). A revelation that .. ‘Only I can save myself’ . We are listening to nobody and that is the best part and also the worst part. Sometimes I feel that we are moving into a psyche of completely embracing objectivism. In a way, that is good! Though objectivism has an invisible sheet of self centeredness wrapped around it and has been impugned by many a philosophers for the same; for a country like India it is imperative.This philosophy (objectivism) is evident from all the activities that spawn or sprout around us. No, I don’t mean the infrastructural explosion that is so visible in the country but I am alluding to a paradigm shift that is responsible for this explosion. I don’t think the paradigm shift was the effect of the gradual grind that this civilization endured over an eon nor is it the effect of a brisk eastern neighbour. God alone knows what startled the slumbering elephant and transformed it into a objectivistic ‘human being’!

2009-06-15T00:29:00.000-07:00

We are being desecrated, our creativity pillaged by the Indian sitcom and movies. Media plays such an important role in moulding a society that it could procreate a Yudhisthir out of every Duryodhana; instead we have a media that is hell bent on creating millions of Romeo and Juliette….pardon me Raj and Simran! We claim to have the biggest movie industry in the world in terms of churning out movies. 99% of those are crappy love stories. Every time the boom is thrust onto a newbie’s face; you can hear them mumbling the same script “mera character zara different hain…yeh story zara hatke hain.” You watch the movie and it’s the same old single layered monotonous, moth eaten tale of a youngster who falls in love with a dewy eyed, dove like ‘dumbo’ who can give away her ‘jaan’ for him. Usually this ‘dumbo’ is the daughter of a Dad who can put Lakshmi Mittal to shame as far as pampering his kiddo is concerned. Generally the girl’s pa hams all the way. Usually what follow are a dozen songs and our protagonist slogs and hams his way into Pa’s ‘dil’ and steals away the ‘dulhaniya’. Pa finally gives into peer and ‘puthri’ pressure and also claims that – tera pa bhi tere liye aisa ladka nahi dhoondh sakta! Oh MY God!! I just disclosed so many Bollywood stories here. But mind you, there can be variations too; you would generally miss those if you are not an avid Indian movie fan. Seriously, Indian film industry should be ashamed of blaming the entire society but it for this debacle. Good movies are seldom produced. No new creativity is ever encouraged. If we don’t experiment how are we going to learn? While Hollywood movies are also about space exploration and terrorism (in the most realistic way); we are still reeling behind dealing with matters pertaining to heart and worse we still don’t mention family planning or safe sex. 50 years of movies and we still allude to matters where eroticism erupts; we also refrain from swearing onscreen.

As if this wasn’t enough, we have a linguistic partisanship in the film industry. Bollywood produces only Hindi movies, yep originally ‘trite’. Hindi is the national language, yep. But why is there always a ‘Punjab’ifying of movies and ‘Gujarati’fying of TV serials?!! We loved Punjab in DDLJ and in movies before it but I find this ‘aping’ by the creative lot increasingly idiotic and unbearably unpleasant. We are tired of our belle’s dash through the grange signifying vivacity and ‘idiosyncrasy’(yeah!). I am sure even girls in Punjab find that dash idiotic. My point is that there are 28 states in India. We claim Bollywood is Indian movies. Why is there only Punjab in Indian movies? Thank you Priyadarshan Sir, for all your efforts in bringing forth the Maharashtrian spirit through movies such as Hera Pheri and Virasat. We have a start there,hurrah!!!

We are a country with 28 states and the number of languages and dialects..... only God knows how many! A layman in Delhi still doesn’t know the difference between a Tamilian and a Keralite. Likewise, a layman in Mumbai doesn’t know the difference between a Haryanvi and a UP guy. For him everyone is a BHAIYAA! Who is to blame for this?? Of course BOLLYWOOD!! If they represent people appropriately, confusions won’t erupt and India would be closer than ever. It is impossible to create a movie with only ‘Indian’ness in it because each of us has a ‘MAA ki tongue’. We are subconsciously closer to that than our national language e.g Yash Chopra infusing Punjabi into everything; all characters are essentially Punjabis as if people from other states never fall in love; Raj Thackerey locking horns for the Marathi Manoos, Amitabh Bacchan contesting elections from Allahabad.

Lets pour some Orissa, some Nagaland, some Mizoram, some Assam, some Haryana, some Jammu &Kashmir…..we have loads of them, right?!! Let’s narrate these stories in Hindi! Wouldn’t that be true merging using language? We need to have movies which are creative in thought, which have some substance …some element of mystery thrown in, atleast a pinch of true science, a spoonful of social message strewn over a stew of emotion and action. You don’t require a mindful of thought, just a handful of proactivity would be enough to start with. We don’t expect a Titanic or Star Trek from you; we would be content with an original idea. There are so many good authors (read book writers) in India. Why can’t we simply adapt a good book into movie?! Yaah yaah I know about Chetan Bhagat’s books being adapted into movies. I sincerely hope that the trend flourishes and is followed religiously.

Love-ology!

2009-05-31T05:53:00.000-07:00

Love …what is love? Is it the most amazing experience ever? In Devil's Advocate, devil compares love to eating thousands of chocolate at once.Why? Do people really sacrifice or stalk when under the 'influence' of love? It seems like just another emotion yet has been projected as ‘so powerful’! The word 'Love' has its origins in Germanic forms of Sanskrit term ‘lubh’ which means desire. Philosophy describes as love as ‘ejection of emotions’. Biology describes it as a state where there is an increased secretion of dopamine by hypothalamus. It says that the secretion is higher than in case of lust. It is said that you can simply switch off the sexual urge but never a romantic surge. Now….now…if a biologist-playwright was to describe Heer’s ‘love for Ranjha; he would put it something like – there she (Heer) saw him (Ranjha), the gait so graceful that her dopamine secretion increased and went into overdrive.

If you ask someone who had just had an increased dopamine secretion (I mean… fell in love) about his/her sweetheart, their eyes would glow up like thousand lamps just lit up even the most masculine men would blush like a princess and softer genders blush like…hmmm…hmm…I don’t know. If granted a wish, they would wish for….no not world peace…they just always wish to be by their darling, their inamorata, their beau…..they would also add that …they would just want to sit beside their loved one and peek into their eyes and that they could just fritter away their entire life lauding their ‘beloveds’ beauty and poetizing it.

But I am sure something happens after that because lust does ensue love (def. not talking about parental affection). Lust is due to sex hormones which are triggered by dopamine. Love also leads to increased oxytocin which leads to cuddling and which generally culminates in sex.

I have a friend who falls in love every other month and gets laid too (he is not Indian); I am sure this guy has a serotonin transporter gene. People with such a gene often mistake the initial thrills and anxiety for love and go for it. So what happens to his previous love(s) and associated hormones?? I don’t know about the ‘girls’ but his 'love' hormones are replaced by endorphins. As far as I am concerned, I am sure I am completely devoid of this gene. Even if I ever happen to fall in love I would skillfully parry those feelings regarding them as anxiety and thrills.

Ever heard of the phrase PYAAR TO ANDHAA HOTA HAIN RE! Love is blind…..RE!! People actually fail reality test. It has been seen that people notice only good things about their partners in the first 2 to 4 years of relationship; that is because of the enzyme Phenyethylamine. After four years the levels of this enzyme come down. That is why Americans live with their partner for at least five years before they get married to them. Now don’t ask me about the high divorce rates in USA. I don’t know:). It is very true that you have to live with a person to know him/her.There is nothing such as love at first sight but there, sure, is lust at first sight.Some goody two shoes argue that only men know of such a thing.Others wont argue because they know the truth.

It is natural that lust must ensue love but in some civilization like ‘ours’..love ensues lust. ..yaah pehle suhaag raat phir pyaar ;) . A civilization where girls set high standards for the groom and finally settle for the one that their parents point out to.Yaah yaah even the goody two shoes!!I would really like to study that phenomenon but I am short of candidates and devoid of an experimental model.

A Rendezvous 2 ..

2008-12-23T06:54:00.000-08:00

J: I am gay .
I wasn’t sure yet, so I asked him a very stupid question.

I: What kind of gay are you? ..a straight gay (for tonight only) or a gay gay.(ended that with a smirk)
He looked at me, his lips stretched to right as if about to give me a partial grin but …then they retracted. So …I had heard it right ….after all.

I: I don’t like homosexuality.(I don’t know as to why I said that.)

J: No one asked you to like it.
One couldn’t feel more stupid but I persisted. And I was nervous as hell, too!! If I were barefooted you could have seen me drawing cyanocobalamines and Taj mahals with my toe.

I: See, if god wished homosexuality, he would have created Steve not Eve.
(Oh my god! I had crossed the limit. I could feel the adrenaline surge....no, not in me but in him, I could see that in his eyes.)
I looked at his burly large fingers that wrapped the glass. He shifted the snifter to his left hand. With his cold n dank digits, he tapped me on my shoulders and gestured a bathroom break. I was like …..is that it ?!!!!Ohhh …that was not the adrenaline surge but his expression for nature’s calls…phew. Histrionics…ehh!!

I looked around and saw the same bartender; she was sauntering through throngs of bunny hoppers (read awful dancers) with a tray in one hand. She walked towards me and tapped on my wrist. It seems I was looking elsewhere...possibly her cleavage. But I was too clouded with other thoughts to even relish the luring schism.
Holding the tray closer to her bosom she asked “Sir, you want this?”
I wasn’t in a mood for an innuendo and I heard myself saying... “I don’t want either….”.
She gave me a befuddled look and walked away.
J returned.

J: So you are not gay?

I: Do I look like one?

J: Your looks don’t define your homosexuality; your orientation does. No man is 100% straight. Every person yup every person has some ‘gayness’ in him.

I : Cant we change topic? I didn’t come here to discover my hidden homosexuality.
He continued…..he chose to ignore me.

J: So you like Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt?

I: I like Megan Fox, I like Vida Guerra. I like Kelly Brook. I don’t like Angelina Jolie.

He continued.
J: I can see that you are into workout. So when in gym do you look at guys?

I: If I say no, that would be a lie. I do but ‘looking at’ is a negative word, ‘spotting’ is perhaps apt because I don’t ogle at them. It’s camaraderie…you know.

I knew he understood. There doesn’t seem to be much he could do about the umbrage than take it but he was trying to derive something. He went on.

J: Ok sir….So you are not gay. Are you vegetarian?

I: No.

J: Do you have problem with veggies or vegans?

I: No

J: Then why the heck do you have problem with someone being gay? It is our choice. This does not even bother you. I won’t even compete with you for your girl. I would, perhaps, be the best person your sister would be safe with. We run parallel to each other like banks of a river or rail lines. Our paths would never cross. Do you know how difficult it is to be gay? It is not even a choice. It is inherent. I can’t explain. From the day we discover that we are gay….(he paused..looked me in the eye)….its a battle with ourselves and everybody. Do you know how difficult it is to tell your loved ones that you are gay …have you ever realized that? Have you ever failed in life? Have you ever faced with a situation where you had to tell someone that you are not good enough…..Do you understand how difficult it is …to come out of the closet? How difficult it is …to tell ma n pa… that..…their son is into men?
And he left.

I had hurt him. I felt those pangs. I had lost a friend before I had one.

All those questions …still echo in my ears. Those words are almost tangible. I would never know how he feels but …

GIST:
Its difficult to be in somebody else's shoes but thank god for what you are.There is always a person out there who wishes he were you, he had what you have …..Thank god for what you are.

A Rendezvous 1...

2008-10-30T18:57:00.000-07:00

Few moons ago I had been to pub ……generally I frequent clubs…..but this time around I felt like ‘pubbing’. Actually, the reason for ‘pubbing’ was one of my newer friends. He was leaving Boston for good and therefore, was throwing a party. I reached there….. .10.30 ish. In order to bypass the bee line (pun intended), I approached the bouncer and made a ‘hand shake’ gesture. He approached me and before long I was wiggling to Sean Paul’s Temperature. Yaah!!!! Even I thought the same…10.45 pm was too early for this number.The dance floor seemed like a kaleidoscope of races and colors. While some seemed sober others seemed ready to be on the wagon. That is when I saw my friend waving at me, sometimes pushing …sometimes nudging….sometimes prodding gently (if that’s possible) I finally reached them. He is Italian and had his native cronies with him. All of them were warm and tall!! I settled on my stool besides a very handsome man with tresses but those tresses suited him. His built was envious, his confidence…very tangible, with piercing gaze …he extended his arm for a handshake. We shook hands like men. Surprisingly, my handshake seemed firmer. I turned my head and found a sexy bar tender (flaunting a sweet cleavage) waiting for my order. I ordered for a call drink (Bacardi and coke). She made my drink, deftly boxed it and then slid it towards me with a naughty smile on her face (probably…they are trained to give that smile…..probably ehh).I turned to this man again. We introduced each other; his name was Jilliano-a doctoral candidate from MIT. He had a strong European accent to his English. By now I was riding on my fourth drink. Just then I saw an average looking ‘beauty’ (after I get drunk there are only two categories of women: beautiful and very beautiful) walking towards me. Brushing against me she said something in Spanish slyly. I blurted out “Hey, I am learning Spanish…but I am not good at it yet.” and ended that with a quick smile. She patted me on my cheeks and left. I repented as soon as the DJ hit Low by Flo Rida; that was even before the whiff of her fragrance had left me. I felt the urge to dance….something like feeling the urge to pee…..yaah very similar. I tapped Jilliano on the shoulder and approached this beautiful (literally) Caublasian who was sitting there all by herself. I bent, looked her in the eye and said “My friend, there, (hinting at Jilliano) thinks I am attracted to you.” She smiled at me ……wow …..I held out my hands, she cupped it. We boogied for around 10 min and I returned to Jilliano.
J: I thought she was your pick for the nighth (in his Italian accent)
I: Actually, Indians come to club just for momentary…can I put it that way…..enjoyment. Well, also…. also…I cannot generalize anything about Indians coz there is a billion of us out there. Many of us do pick up girls but not me.
J: I like Indians. They are cute. Even my boyfriend likes them.
Wait …..did I hear it wrong?!!! Boyfriend…I looked at him askew and gestured a bathroom break. He nodded. I left him at the counter. As I walked towards the restroom, I could feel the booming music blur away out of my mind and the word ‘boyfriend’ reverberating in my ears. I returned and he resumed.J: I am gay .
To be continued…..

untitled blog:)

2008-06-30T14:26:00.000-07:00

Well ….of late I have been rejecting a lot of alliances. One day my dad called me “…beta, what kind of girl do you want?”
Now..now…I couldn’t tell him this – dad, her a#$e should be like Vida Guerra’s ..her waist to hips ratio must be 0.7 …no more no less…..she should be as intelligent as Indra Nooyi …and more graphic about other parts.
Instead I heard myself saying “Dad, she should be my ‘types’.” He retorted “I know what is your ‘types’, but, beta, this is arranged marriage and brides, unlike cars, cannot be custom made.”

Strange are the ways, we describe beauty; it has changed ever so drastically. Sense never danced attendance to semantic collocation where admiring female body was concerned. Poets have compared female body to anything and everything they could compare it to; some compared their eyes and gait to that of deer. Yaah …of course I know they meant shape but just close your eyes and imagine your girlfriend with deer’s eyes. The thought itself curls my lips and gives me horrible horripilation. And when they compared gait, they meant graceful. Of course deer look cute and I have no personal grudge against them.

Another thing that was compared consistently was their neck but poets played fast and loose on this part. Hips and waist have always been considered to be very important. Indians, unlike their Oriental cousins, have always stressed on low waist to hips ratio. I have always had firm faith in our ancestors’ assumptions; except for the caste system (now don’t get me started on the latter). Look at all the sculptures; they have hour glass figures, it’s not because large stones were available in bulk and that there were no Hiranandanis and Lokhandwalas; our ancestors believed that curvaceous women gave birth to more intelligent children and would themselves be generally more intelligent. Modern medical science has proved just that; ‘seat’ fat contains polyunsaturated fatty acids (Omega-3) essential for the development of the fetus’s brain. Now you know, why they had curvaceous actresses in Mahabharata serial…..:)
So we can be certain that when poets compared contours to hour glass, they were right.

Another feature that stands out is ….hair. A poet would describe- her hair so long , creepers they resembled , serpents they were…. hugging her body ever so……..-Wow…creepers…. that is so ‘creepy’. I would never marry a girl with ‘creeper’ hair; those figurative serpents would give me nightmares during the good times of the better part of my married life.

Another fact that puzzles me to no end is the comparison of face with the moon. When I was a child I remember my mom referring to moon as her distant cousin (remember chanda mama!)…now …after I grew up I discovered that poets compared moon to beloved’s face….isn’t that weird? That would be ‘Gay Incest’ (from a man’s point of view), conflict of ideas and creativity and ofcourse sense!

Over the years, tagging of feminine contours and projections has changed crudely and tastelessly. I wish I could lay out all the slang that is frothing and sloshing inside of me but ………

Gist:
Look for a woman with WHR (waist to hip ratio) : 0.7 but remember as one philosopher spoketh ‘…….eyes reflect person’s inner…’ and another poet says ‘more beautiful the hair …more systematic the woman’
So again WHR, eyes and hair…or damn ! Simply go for the one you love….you will be happy all your life.

Slander

2008-06-20T21:18:00.000-07:00

There I was …....standing near the pillar completely oblivious to the ‘goings-on’ for which I had actually been there. I was listening to something else …actually eavesdropping (which is bad I know)….If you were there, you would have seen an enrapt homosapien listening to the hash session of two Neanderthal pseudo philosophers. Actually one of them could be tagged ‘on-the-way-to-become-a-homo sapien’ Neanderthal!
For ease of narrating I would name them A and B…and also to save them from disgrace…really!!!
A: Do you know that girl in green salwar?
B: Ohh.. that girl right next to frame? She is PQR. She is a bitch. Actually she is also a slut. I hear she was dating XYZ and it seems he had a good time with her. Then one fine day she dumped him. Now she is with that guy..” as he held his head askew hinting at a man to his right.
A: How do you know this?”
B(with the confidence of a king maker): I have my sources. My friends told me about her.
A: So you don’t know her personally?
B: Nope.
A: Are you an idiot? You are a post graduate student and you don’t even know this much. How can you spread such things when you actually have heard it from someone else and probably your source must have had his sources and so on.
B was quiet for a while; then retorted.
B: Come on. You don’t know that girl.I mean …so what if that is not true…I don’t lose anything .You don’t lose anything. And (B winks at A) she has already lost it (you know what he meant). Friend, probably we are the only ones in this room who are still holding on to it. Seriously, man, I don’t care.
A: Cool. If that was your relative, how would you feel?
B: It isn’t...that way. And I don’t have a sister (B muffling his cackles)
A: Don’t you feel bad when you spread such things?
B: Come on! Don’t play the oracle with me. Everybody does that. Do you remember Mr.L?
A nodded.
B: Do you actually think he is a philanderer? I don’t know much about …but I really don’t think …he is. It was just that he was trying woo the girl I was eyeing. See the procedure is very easy. Girls generally don’t know much about most boys. Most of the girls are gullible (he used chu..). If they know you, you tell them anything about any guy …they will believe you …...definitely (waving the hands and gesturing with his fingers). Do you think that she would actually approach Mr.L and ask him whether he is a flirt or not….oh come on…..THINK….most of the boys are shy and some of them don’t care…exploit the situation, dude. Girls would never tell what they were told and guys will never ask.
A nodded but didn’t seem to be interested in boarding the same boat.
He just gave an excuse and bid good bye. Probably he was good or atleast was playing good.
Suggestion:
So next time someone talks bad about a guy or girl who is stranger to you, just listen to it but do not believe him/her. If uou do ...you might lose a good friend ……even before meeting him.
Happy Socializing!!

The false smile....

2008-03-05T01:20:00.001-08:00

Have you ever come across an American white lately? Look at them closely ..no I dont mean ogle!. They will definitely give you a ‘false’ smile. The other day while I was at the cafeteria; I asked one of my American (white) friends that why they felt the need to give a certain false smile. His reply was so muddle headed that I really thought I chose a wrong spokesperson for the white people. He said “We want to show people that we are not sad. We don’t have a sad side.” Even after our seemingly philosophical hash-session I wasn’t satisfied with his reply. Everytime I crossed a young lady or a man, I would get that ‘how are you’ followed by a false smile. Believe me that smile is so irritating.
The other day I was proctoring and came across a group of youngsters. Each of them would hand over to me their I-Ds and a false smile. This was getting too much for me. After some time my supervisor arrived, he seems rude and he is rude if you didn’t know him… that well. But somehow he was really sweet to me. One thing that struck me was that it was Christmas and he was still in Boston. I asked him why was he still in Boston. His reply blew me away. He said “Dude, my family is all fucked up.” and that was followed by a false smile. I was choked and didn’t know as to what expressions I should give. I suddenly got the reply to all my questions about ‘false’ smile. I looked into his eyes, for a second I thought his eyes were moist and the next moment – he smiled at me again and left. His pain seemed tangible therefore quite veritable.

It reminded me of Stephen Covey’s lines-‘When you know the root of trouble of an individual, you actually start to decipher his emotions.’ He narrates a touching incident in his life where he is traveling in a train and he comes across a man, who is traveling with his kids, in the same compartment. The kids are restless, bawling their lungs out and in the process, disturbing everyone in the compartment. This gentleman turns to the crowd and apologizes for his kids’ behavior and says “I am really sorry about their behavior; I really don’t how I should make them quiet. They just lost their mother to cancer. We are going to the hospital.” That sentence changed the attitude of Mr. Covey towards those children and the cacophony of mourning disturbed him no more.

I try to do my share of social service on the weekends. Two moons ago I came across this kid. He is always irate and defines the term rebellious in its most apt sense. But we, tutors, were really good to him. I thought…. being good was a norm in social service; but it was only after my colleague told me about this young man, I started to see him more compassionately. He had two gay fathers and he was an IVF (in vitro fertilization) kid. Sometimes when I think of these unfortunate kids; it raises my danders.They face this because of their irresponsible parents.They suffer and feel wretched all their life. Some absorb it and become reclusive and seem like a countenance of sorrow than anger but most rebel because when they look at kids around them they feel like they have been robbed off of the sweetest thing in life – parental affection. There are many in my university who experience this.

Probably the false smile is to hide this sadness…probably my friend was right…and he was the right spokesperson…We come from a culture where these cases are rare, by god’s grace. Thank goodness! And probably we must be a more judicious judge, more perspicacious in our thought and judgment, more tolerant to people around us (without losing our self respect of course!)…Probably we must talk less and listen more and probably one day we might get a true smile!

Enough of this ! -1

2007-10-20T00:38:00.000-07:00

Ok ..Enough of this!..Everytime I set out to be a ‘good samaritan’; someone takes a fine crap on my plan of action .Believe me it happens to me every single time. This time around, I tried to be tutor for the needy. (hmmm.. you could, actually, call them economically pinched but they seemed more like emotionally ‘deficient’! Kids who actually need love (read affection) in their lives. Even a sprinkle of affection might have a very positive effect on their lives.)
So I set out for community service on the weekend. It was a fine Saturday morning. (Boston is seldom blessed with such mornings.) I was asked to reach bus station at 8.15 a.m . Despite being a chronic late comer, I made it a point that I reach the bus stop as per American time. I waited there till 9.00 am. I was surprised rather appalled to learn that nobody turned up. As I knew the route (thanks to their email), I boarded a certain 23 for Ashmount. I knew that I had to get down at Warren St. but had no clue so as to where it was. The driver was of African ethnicity (brother!). He seemed laconic yet seemed friendly so I thought of breaking the ice as there was not a single soul in the bus other than the driver. As we passed a mosque, I shot a very silly question at him

I : Is that a mosque? (like I had never seen a mosque before)

His reply was equally stupid.

He: Are you a Muslim?

He gave me a very cold look. And I am sure that my ‘look’ asked him a question in return -‘Duffer, if I were Muslim would I ask you that question which I asked….? – because he was quick to reply.

He : I am sorry, Sir. I don’t know. Where are you from, Sir?

I : I am from India. And you?

He: I am from around. So what are you?

I : I am Indian.

He: No, I mean. What religion do you follow?

I was literally taken aback. Six years back, he wouldn’t have cared to ask this question.

I : I am Hindu.

He: Is it part of Islam?

I : It is different.Its a separate religion.

He (with more respect ) : Sir,......Do you like muslims?

I : Well..to be frank I dont hate them but I dont love them either.

He: Sir...you are very diplomatic.Are there many 'hinjoos' in India?

I: I am sorry but its Hindu and not hinjoo. (ending that with a quick smile)

He: hmm..

I : Well there are around 0.8 billion of them in India alone.

He: Never heard of them.

I felt like saying ...come out of the pond..there is whole world out there.

He : But your religion has nothing to do with Islam?

I felt like saying...Actually back in 1993 in retalliation, we killed a lot of Muslims...How do you like
that?Then I heard myself saying
No actually in India everybody is quite tolerant and I smiled again.

He: I think all muslims are bad.

I : And I think there are bad people in every religion.Infact I believe being bad has nothing to do with religion (phew!I could feel the sermonizer in me coming out)

to be contd...